“When I transitioned from Spelman to Georgia Tech, it was probably the first time in my life that I had a professor that made me question if I belonged or had what it takes. Previously, I was always used as an example of how students should study, and now, in my first chemical engineering class, I would raise my hand for a question and wouldn’t get recognized, or my question would be followed by, ‘I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying, Miss Plummer.’
“I was struggling with imposter syndrome before I knew what that was, wondering, ‘Have I just been in some dream world up until now? Am I not as smart as I thought I was?’ I would be in my room just knocking out homework problems, no problem, but I would get in class, and it was almost like I’d freeze up. [My professor] would be walking around the room, and I could not make my brain work. I really struggled through that and did not pass that class – the first time I had ever not passed a class – and this was supposed to be my major!
“…Sometimes you look around and wonder why you don’t see a lot of [people of color] in some positions, and it’s probably because of situations like this where we have such high standards but feel we cannot meet them. We don’t give ourselves grace. We assume, ‘This obviously isn’t for me.’
“…But I knew I could do it. I had to, number one, get out of my head and, two, realize not everyone will be a fan or in your corner cheering for you… As a young college student, it was the first time I ever faced [this situation], and it buckled me. It set me back until I realized that I could do it and that my worth wasn’t based on what someone else thought of me or my abilities…I went back that next semester with a new mindset and determination, and I passed that class with an A and moved on through the rest of my engineering classes.
“That [experience] really informed the type of leader I am and taught me how to make sure that everybody has a voice and feels like they belong. Looking back, I thought it was the worst thing in the world when I was going through it, but now I see it was exactly what I needed at that point in my life to understand that I’m meant to be here doing what I am doing. I learned to give myself grace. If I had pulled myself out of that STEM major, I would never have been managing a technology demonstration program for NASA that launched ten technologies into space.”
– Tawnya Plummer Laughinghouse, Director of the Materials and Processes Laboratory, Engineering Directorate, NASA’s Marshall Space Flight Center
Image Credit: NASA/Charles Beason
Interviewer: NASA/Tahira Allen
Check out some of our other Faces of NASA.
“当我从斯佩尔曼学院转学到佐治亚理工学院时，那可能是我人生中第一次有教授让我质疑自己是否属于这里，或者是否有能力胜任。在此之前，我总是被作为学生学习榜样的例子，但现在，在我的第一堂化学工程课上，我举手提问却没有得到回应，或者我的问题常被这样回答：‘普拉默小姐，我不太明白你在说什么。’
“那时我正经历着冒名顶替综合症，虽然我当时还不知道这个术语。我会想，‘难道我之前都活在梦里吗？我真的没有我以为的那么聪明吗？’在我的房间里，我可以轻松完成作业，但一到课堂上，我就像被冻住了一样。教授在教室里走动，而我的大脑却根本无法运转。我很难熬过那段时间，并且那门课我不及格——这是我人生中第一次不及格——而这门课本该是我的专业主修课！
“…有时候你环顾四周，会想为什么在某些职位上看不到太多有色人种，这可能是因为像我经历的这样的情况。我们对自己有非常高的标准，但却觉得无法达到这些标准。我们没有给自己留有余地，而是认为，‘显然，这不是我该走的路。’
“…但我知道我能做到。我必须首先摆脱自己的心理束缚，其次认识到不是每个人都会支持你或为你加油……作为一名年轻的大学生，这是我第一次面对这样的情况，它让我崩溃了一段时间。直到我意识到我可以做到，而且我的价值并不取决于别人对我的看法或能力。我调整了心态，带着全新的决心在下学期重新修这门课，并且拿到了A，然后顺利完成了之后的所有工程学的课程。
“那次经历让我成为了现在这样的领导者，并教会了我如何确保每个人都有发言权和归属感。回头看，当时我以为那是世界上最糟糕的事情，但现在我意识到，那正是我在那个人生阶段所需要的，它让我明白，我注定要做我现在正在做的事情。我学会了对自己宽容。如果当时我选择退出这个STEM专业，我就永远无法管理NASA的技术演示项目，将十项技术送入太空。”
——托妮亚·普拉默·拉夫豪斯，NASA马歇尔太空飞行中心工程局材料与工艺实验室主任
图片来源: NASA/Charles Beason
采访者: NASA/Tahira Allen
